Relationship Must-Have’s When You’re Having Your First Baby
You've got the stroller researched. You've compared car seats, debated bassinet brands, and built a spreadsheet for diaper subscriptions. Your baby registry is thorough, practical, and ready to go.
But here's a question no one is asking at your baby shower: What are you registering for your relationship?
Because here's the truth — and it's one we talk about often in couples counseling — the arrival of a baby is one of the most beautiful and most destabilizing events a relationship can experience. Studies consistently show that relationship satisfaction tends to dip significantly in the first year after having a baby. Not because love fades. But because two people who used to function as a team are suddenly running on no sleep, no time, and no roadmap for how to navigate this new version of their life together.
The crib will arrive assembled. The onesies will be washed and folded. But your relationship — the very foundation your child will grow up standing on — needs to be registered for, too.
So we're flipping the script. Below is the relationship registry we wish every couple received before welcoming a baby. No barcodes required.
Safe and Trusting Connection and Communication
Retail equivalent: The crib. The most foundational piece of the whole setup.
Just like your baby needs a safe place to sleep, your relationship needs a safe place to land. Safe and trusting connection is the bedrock of every healthy partnership — and it's the first thing that gets rattled when life gets hard.
Safe connection means your partner knows, without question, that you are on their team. It means that when one of you is struggling, the instinct isn't to withdraw, attack, or shut down — it's to turn toward each other. In couples therapy, we call this concept "turning toward bids for connection" — a term rooted in the research of Dr. John Gottman, who found that couples who respond to each other's small emotional bids (a sigh, a comment, a reach for the hand) are the ones who thrive long-term.
Safe connection doesn't happen automatically. It gets built through thousands of small moments — through showing up consistently, through honoring your word, through being emotionally available even when you're tired (especially when you're tired).
How to register for this:
Make a daily habit of checking in — not about the baby, but about each other
Practice turning toward instead of away when your partner reaches out
Consider starting couples counseling before baby arrives to build your foundation now
Name and acknowledge each other's efforts, even the small ones
The Ability to Advocate Lovingly and Safely for Your Needs
Retail equivalent: The baby monitor. Because someone needs to be paying attention.
One of the most common things we hear in couples counseling in Denver is some version of: "I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to start a fight." Or its counterpart: "I had no idea they felt that way."
When couples stop advocating for their own needs, resentment moves in quietly — like a houseguest who wasn't invited and won't leave. Over time, unspoken needs become unspoken grievances, and unspoken grievances become the wall that grows between two people who genuinely love each other.
Loving and safe advocacy means you've developed the language and the courage to say "I need help," "I'm overwhelmed," "I miss you," or "That hurt me" — without it becoming a battle. It means your partner can hear those words without becoming defensive, and it means you can speak them without weaponizing them.
This is a skill. It doesn't come naturally to most of us, especially if we grew up in homes where needs were dismissed, punished, or ignored. But it is absolutely learnable — and it is one of the most powerful tools we work on in relationship counseling.
How to register for this:
Practice using "I feel" statements instead of "you always/never" language
Establish a safe word or signal that means "I need to pause this conversation"
Work with a couples therapist to identify your communication patterns and reshape them
Normalize need-expression as an act of love, not weakness
How to Ask for Help (Without Guilt, Shame, or Martyrdom)
Retail equivalent: The village. Because "it takes one" was never true.
Here's what nobody tells you: Asking for help is a relationship skill. And most of us are terrible at it.
New parenthood has a way of exposing every unspoken belief we carry about self-sufficiency, worth, and what it means to "have it together." Many of the couples we work with at Discover Peace Within — especially mothers — arrive in our office having white-knuckled their way through months of exhaustion, silently keeping score, and wondering why their partner "doesn't just see" what needs to be done.
But asking for help requires vulnerability. It requires admitting that you can't do it all. And for many people, that admission feels dangerously close to failure.
Here's the reframe: Asking for help is not a sign that you're struggling. It's a sign that you're self-aware. It's a sign that you understand your own limits. And in a partnership, it's actually an invitation — an invitation for your partner to show up for you in a meaningful way.
The couples who navigate new parenthood most gracefully are the ones who've gotten comfortable saying "I need a break," "Can you take the 3am feeding tonight?" and "I don't know what I'm doing and I need support" — and meaning it without shame.
How to register for this:
Have an honest pre-baby conversation about each partner's needs and fears
Create a weekly "state of the union" check-in to proactively ask for and offer help
Work with a therapist — individually or together — to explore what makes asking for help feel unsafe
Practice the sentence: "I need help with _____." Say it out loud. Get comfortable with it.
Building a Support Team of Friends and Family (Who Actually Support You)
Retail equivalent: The whole nursery setup. You need more than one thing working together.
The phrase "it takes a village" gets thrown around a lot — but very few couples actually build the village before they need it. And then they find themselves at 4am, both awake, both depleted, with no one to call.
Part of thriving as a couple through the early stages of parenthood is proactively building a support ecosystem — one that doesn't just orbit the baby, but actively supports the relationship. That means cultivating friendships with other couples who get it. It means being honest with family about what kind of support actually helps (hint: it's not unsolicited advice). It means knowing who you can call when you need to laugh, cry, vent, or just sit with someone who loves you.
In couples therapy, we often talk about how the health of a relationship is also shaped by the relationships around it. Couples who are isolated — who have made each other their only source of everything — are under tremendous pressure. No single person, no matter how wonderful, can be your best friend, romantic partner, co-parent, therapist, and social life all at once. That's not a flaw in your partner. That's just a human limitation.
How to register for this:
Identify 2-3 people or couples you can call on for real support — not just well-wishes
Have a clear conversation with family about what "helpful" looks like for your family
Join a new parent group, a perinatal support group, or a couples workshop
Consider working with a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health and relationships — someone who can support both the individual and the partnership through this transition
Couples Counseling (Yes, Before You Think You Need It)
Retail equivalent: The first aid kit. You don't wait until someone's bleeding to stock it.
One of the biggest myths we encounter as couples counselors in Denver is the belief that therapy is only for relationships that are in crisis. The couples who benefit most from relationship counseling are often the ones who come in saying, "Things are pretty good — we just want to be better."
Couples counseling before or during a major life transition like pregnancy and new parenthood is one of the most proactive, loving investments you can make in your relationship. In a safe, supportive space, you and your partner can:
Identify communication patterns before they become entrenched
Process fears, expectations, and unspoken narratives about parenthood
Build a shared vision for how you want to show up for each other
Learn concrete tools for conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and connection
Deepen intimacy and trust before the sleepless nights begin
At Discover Peace Within, our trauma-informed couples counselors in Denver work with partners to communicate more clearly, reduce reactivity, and rebuild — or reinforce — trust. We meet you where you are, with warmth and without judgment.
Whether you're preparing for a baby, adjusting to new parenthood, or somewhere in between, we're here to walk alongside you.
Preparing for Postpartum Together (Relationship Counseling Helps)
When you think about everything you're preparing for your baby — the safety, the comfort, the warmth, the sense of being held and loved — realize that those are the exact same things your relationship needs from you both.
Your child will learn what love looks like by watching you. They'll learn whether relationships are safe by feeling the energy in your home. They'll learn how to ask for help, advocate for themselves, and build community by watching you model it.
So yes — register for the diaper bag and the white noise machine. But also register for safe connection, honest communication, the courage to ask for help, and a community that holds you both.
And if you're not sure where to start? That's exactly what we're here for.
Ready to invest in your relationship before, during, or after baby?
At Discover Peace Within, we offer couples counseling in Denver, CO and online virtually throughout the state in a warm, trauma-informed space designed to help partners communicate, connect, and grow — as one.
Contact Information:
Website: discoverpeacewithin.com
Phone: 720.772.8432
Location: 1212 Delaware Street, Denver, CO 80204 | Serving Denver and Colorado state-wide virtually
Scheduling: Click to book online